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I'm Jill, a 20 year old film and media student from Belfast, NI.
This is my corner of the internet to share my writing, creativity, designs and bits and bobs about my life that I hope will interest you.
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Friday 8 November 2013
Conquering doubt, and why you should...
Do you ever get those moments in life where you can't quite figure out a path for yourself? Where you kind of know where you want to be, but you get so caught up in thinking about it that you halt altogether and feel like you are going no where because of it?
That's currently where my mind is at - stuck in the middle and unable to come to a clear direction of where to make a move.
In terms of my blog, I love it - I love writing and I love gaining feedback from it and to hear that people have shared my posts, it really does make it very worth while. I also however have my doubts; I often wonder if it's going to lead anywhere, or if people really care about the posts - I suppose that's partly my fault as I have been very lazy when it comes to writing, I don't do it regularly enough.
It also could be the topics that I'm posting, although I'm hoping to re-arrange some things and gain a solid writing schedule - I need to in order to get myself on track and to build a sturdy group of readers.
In terms of my personal life, I'm probably the happiest I have ever been - great home life, steady group of friends, loving relationship - I've never had any doubts about the people in my life, and I never will have.
My main 'doubts', I guess you could call them, are mainly to do with my future. I want to go to university and get my degree, then I want to work in the film industry plus I eventually want to be able to teach film studies. I also want to continue with my blog and my business idea on the sidelines, but is that too much for one person to do?
As Dracula rightly says, you should never be afraid of ambition - it's what keeps us going, we always have a goal of something bigger and better. I know deep down that I'm capable of doing what I want to do - I just also have that mass panic of;
'OH NO WHAT IF I CAN'T AND I'M A BIG FAILURE AND HAVE TO LIVE WITH 50 CATS AND NO ONE LOVES ME!?'
C'mon, admit it, you've thought that at least once. We all do, it's inevitable - we may never tell another living soul that we're afraid, and we may put on a brave face and pretend that we are incredibly fabulous all the time, but we know deep down that it's not always the case.
However, I say that if you have a plan, take it forward - I'll tell you something, people have been giving me 'advice' all my life, and it always throws me off track, why? because their 'advice' has gone against everything that I have wanted. I've been given reasons not to do something, reasons why it won't work, reasons why it's too ambitious, reasons why it's pointless - why won't it work?, why is it pointless? - the only obstacle here is doubt, or people giving advice that they wish they had given themselves, not to your situation.
If you feel deep down that you want something, then reach for it - it's your success ladder that you are climbing. If you let someone kick you off the steps then you will never reach the top. You will never have tried.
I know that I would much rather have tried and failed, than listen to 'advice' and feel miserable that I would never have found out for myself.
Don't get me wrong, there are lots of times when advice is exactly what you need, and many times when it is also very good advice - but you will know yourself if you don't feel enlightened by the advice that you are going against your own heart and mind.
Fear is inevitable, doubt is inevitable but don't ever let yourself pull away from the things you want to do. It is your life after-all, and your happiness depends on what you do to gain it. Don't let someone get in the way of that.
If you're currently in the same situation that I am; wondering if your life is heading the way you want it to, wondering if you're going to be a success - then I say stop wondering and start living. Continue with the plans that you want and see where life takes you, don't let doubt stop you. If it doesn't work out then at least you will know.
For those in a slightly different situation who have tried something that didn't work out, if you fear having to let people know that you have ''failed'', if you fear letting people down - don't fret or feel bad. Somethings just aren't meant to be, and there will always be something else for you to try instead. If you have someone looming over your shoulder expecting things from you, tell them simply that it wasn't what you wanted, they can't argue that you 'failed' if it wasn't for you in the first place.
As I said before, this is your life, and no one should get in the way of that.
Much love,
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